My generation and the world lost another light this week
with the passing of Chris Cornell. If the name doesn’t sound familiar to you,
his voice most assuredly will.
As the lead singer for the Seattle “grunge” band Soundgarden, he
helped shape the sound of the 90s and beyond. His solo credits include a James
Bond theme song – the first American to claim such an honor.
As a kid growing up smack in the middle of the 1990s and the
associated music scene, this feels almost like a bad record constantly skipping
to the same line over and over. Kurt Cobain, Layne Staley, Scott Weiland, Dime
Bag Daryl and so many others who made music history just gone.
Some will point to the rocker musician lifestyle. Some will
say they did it to themselves – drugs, alcohol, you name it. And perhaps to a
certain extent that is true. But, take a moment if you will to look over the
course of history at other strong artistic influences that changed the world
and you will find a damaged soul doing their best to cope with the world around
them.
Oliver Wilde, Shakespeare, Hemmingway, Picasso, Bach – just to
name a limited few – all had terrible reputations while they were alive, each
one battling their own demons. But, with the perspective of time and distance,
we now regard each of those as influential savants – geniuses even.
I’ve often been struck by this paradox. As an artistic soul
I’ve battled a few of those very same demons.
Artists – whether it’s writing, painting, singing, cooking, acting – see
the world from a completely different angle. That’s what makes them special and
unique. That’s where their muses come from – the cracks in the walls everyone
else passes by. They lend their heart and soul to the creation of something
bigger than themselves and release it to the mercy of the world. It leaves an
already hypersensitive psyche exposed to the elements.
Every artist has to deal with this somehow. To deny the art
would be to suffocate their very spirit. Some, consequently, turn to drugs,
alcohol, sex or other risky behaviors to numb the vibrations. Others become meticulous
and obsessed with controlling the rest of the world around them. From demanding
only green M&Ms backstage, to insisting that the lights and sounds be run
and checked again, to flipping out if the costumes aren’t coming together just
the way they had envisioned, to locking themselves away in their homes – what seems
like spoiled star behavior to the outside is really their way of focusing on
anything else to quiet the visions and voices all around them.
This perfectionism can also lead to appearing as driven.
Indeed, many, if not most, “driven” people I’ve encountered in life suffer from
bouts of depression and anxiety. They are driven because – well, because it’s
never enough. It’s never good enough or big enough or powerful enough. Whether
it’s a song, performance, manuscript, or budget meeting, it was never enough.
And if you’ve never had this experience personally, it can seem rather
self-destructive from the outside.
Which, of course, it is.
We burn the candle, not only on both ends, but
often right up the middle, too, convinced if we can squeeze just another few
hours of candlelight out that it will finally be “enough.” Which, it isn’t. And
then the whole thing falls apart and we along with it.
The fortunate ones are surrounded by supportive friends and
family. Those who recognize the flames for what they are. And they can carefully
and gently reel us back in and help us put the pieces back together. Others,
sometimes, are not so lucky. Or – feel as if no one really understands. Or –
they’ve exhausted all their supports completely. Let me tell you, dear reader, that
is a dark and scary place to wake up. And you will do anything to escape.
As a new journalist student, I was given an assignment to
write a story on an influential student.* This student was non-traditional like
me and we had a few other classes together so I was familiar with them. They
were described by professors and peers and “driven.” One professor even said, “I
don’t know where it comes from but there is a fire there that just keeps
burning.” He was more on the nose than I think he ever realized.
This student told me during my interview that thoughts of
suicide trickled in from time to time. It’s just too much, they said. Although
I’m withholding name, age, and gender, know that this student was battling on
many warfronts. And yes, they were driven. Because they sensed the urgency for
change and it was way too much for any one person.
Another person whom I never met while they were alive but I
can confidently say was driven was my grandfather. As a son of German immigrants
he signed up to serve in the United States Army during WWII. He stayed on and was stationed in a MASH unit
on the frontlines of the Korean War (no – that’s not just a great scenario for
an old TV show.) During that tour, he received a Bronze Star, but he never
talked about it. Unfortunately, he died of a heart attack in his early 50s. Sometime
after his death, we found the paperwork for his star – basically, his was
awarded the honor for doing his job. How
driven do you think you have to be to receive military honors for doing your
job? The thought of it still blows my mind. I imagine that the stress of that
kind of perfectionism contributed to his early death.
Driven people change the world, but often at a very high
price.
I can think of one other incredibly driven person that
changed the world – Jesus. He was born with the task of not only changing the
world, but saving it. And He knew He would not be well received. But He did not
deny his task.
“And being found in human form, he humbled himself by
becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” Philippians
2:8
And lucky for us! Because His sacrifice is the only one that
matters – that truly changed the world.
“But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed
for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and
with his wounds we are healed.” Isaiah 53:5.
Dear reader, I don’t know where life finds you right now in
this very moment. I don’t know what season you are in or what demons you are
facing today. But please know that those demons can be reined in – but you
cannot do it alone.
“Surely I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
Matthew 28:20
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